I had a great question the other day regarding the best way to proceed to dating a girl. so I thought I would share this information with you.
“There is one thing that seems to puzzle me.
Some people keep telling me that I should be a woman’s friend, or even their girl friends’ friend first before taking to the next level or going into a relationship. So I have to take it slowly.
There are some other people, including some date websites and my female friends that say I have to show some interest in her, and keen to do something together and get to know her better, and then ask her out.
The two approaches seem contradictory and puzzle me. The second one has always been my approach to women. In the case of X, I have been giving her signals and signs that I have a keen interest in her, but never told her that I liked her. She is a pretty smart girl, so I would imagine that she has picked up on my signs and signals.
Would you please give some thoughts and explanation on this?”
Firstly the following response is generic as opposed to being personalised as I haven’t viewed your communication style with women.
I would tend to agree with your convictions that the second approach is the best option although I can see some merit in the first option as well as some risks.
Let me explain.
The first option might be typical of a group of men and women in their late teens and twenties. Often groups do “hang out” together and from this pairings off can occur. This is often seen as a safe way of meeting and hooking up with someone from a familiar group. In addition, it allows confidence to grow from either party as more “interest signals” are interpreted as “he’s interested in me or she’s interested in me” and then reciprocated paving the way for either party to more directly state their interest with less chance of being rejected. As confidence grows in both men and women, with advancing age and experience, there can be a tendency to expose yourself to the risk of being rejected without the world falling apart. Hence the second approach becomes easier.
The first option runs into danger when becoming a friend takes you off the radar of potentially becoming a romantic partner.
The second option, the one you favour, can make the whole process a lot clearer for both parties. As your female friends have indicated, it is important to show your interest in her and indicate your interest to do something with her/get to know her better. Once she has reciprocated her interest in you as well, then it is good to proceed to asking her out. Your actions and interest in her over a period of time indicate that you “like her”. You don’t have to specifically state that you “like her”. As you get to know her better over time you will want to indicate what you like or enjoy about her.
