Here are a few quick techniques to help so that the whole evening is less difficult, more fun and allows you then to concentrate on meeting some great people.

Networking, small talk and approaching people are a combination of confidence and skill.  Someone once said to me that even if you do not feel confident, act that way (fake it till you make it) and slowly you will feel and believe that you in fact are.  So firstly, think about how a confident person comes across (head up, shoulders back, eyes holding contact, smiling and speaking directly to you) and act the same, give the allure of this confidence.  The more you act this way (even if you don’t initially feel it), the more others react to you as if you are confident, and you begin to take on that confident persona more and more.  Even practise this in the mirror before you head off.

Secondly, adjust your mindset and expectations.  Say to yourself “I don’t have to be perfect at this.  I will give it a good try and see how I go.  Okay I might make a few mistakes but that’s okay, with practise I can only get better”.  Honestly if you do have high expectations of yourself you are making it too hard.  Aim to try your best for that one occasion.  Learn from your mistakes for the next time.

Thirdly, breathe.  Take slow deep breaths.  Relax your shoulders and try to take on a relaxed stance.  If you find you are feeling a bit tense, just refocus on your breathing and notice the rise and fall of your chest and feel your breath coming in and going out.

Fourthly have some ideas of what you can say.  Conversations tend to start with an introduction…saying your name and asking them theirs, if they haven’t already offered.  Sometimes this can be followed by a handshake or a nod of the head.  If you are not sure, observe what others are doing around you and follow their lead.  Then, maintaining good eye contact and a smile you can make a comment or ask them a question about the event, surroundings or something that is happening in the present.  Open ended questions and commenting on information they have just shared with you helps the flow of conversation.

Lastly, with this confident acting persona, walk up to others and introduce yourself, ask them how they are in a warm and friendly fashion.  Use non-threatening open ended questions, humour or a range of statements that can draw people into a conversation and go with the flow.

You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print free of charge, as long as you include my full signature file for ezines, and my website address in hyperlink, mentioned below, for other sites.  Please send a courtesy link or email where you publish to info@datingadvice.co.nz

Copyright 2009.  All rights reserved.

 To download my new free ebook “Discover the secrets to finding and attracting your ideal partner and having the best relationship ever”, click here: http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/GetPartneredeBooks.htm

 Denise Corlett is an expert at helping professional men and women all over the world find, attract and be in successful relationships. She has been helping individuals and couples for over 20 years and takes great pleasure in seeing them getting the results they desire.

Denise understands first hand the challenges of returning to the dating scene following a marriage breakup and is now very happily married once again.

How to impress her even in a recession

Is the current economic climate having any effect on dating?  There are conflicting reports stating both cases – the healthy state of the dating industry – be that online dating, matchmakers and the like vs. the opposite – a downturn in some numbers on the paid dating sites and a reduction in some dating activities.  Most people could view dating as a discretionary expense;   however, many people see this as a key area of their life, particularly in a gloomy economic climate where fun and excitement can be found on the dating scene or love and support in a new and ongoing relationship.  Consequently, they are willing to continue spending money on dating and finding someone.

Can you still impress her if you’re between jobs or watching the pennies?
The economic downturn has brought job losses and the predictions are that these will continue to occur over the next year.  There are losses across the board in all levels and in many industries. But, this won’t be forever.  The most important thing you need to do if you are in this situation is to remember this is temporary and address your mindset so it remains positive and optimistic.  I think it is important to be truthful and state clearly where you are at with any date.  An idea is to say that previously you were employed as an x, however now you are out of work but are doing y and z to help you either get employment or improve your chances.  Don’t be afraid to say you need to watch your pennies at the moment whilst you ride this storm.  Believe it or not your clear statements as to where you are at, what your plans are to overcome where you are at and your cost cut measures can be seen as attractive qualities by women.  You are perceived as honest, decisive, a problem solver and someone who has financial management skills.

A few ideas of what and where to go
There are so many things you can do for nothing or next to nothing, some of which are on the resources section of the www.datingadvice.co.nz website, however, some examples include:-

• Plan an inexpensive picnic, with either each of you (or just you) bringing something along and enjoy it in a nice location such as by a beach, river or in the park
• The museum or art gallery in the city or town closest to you
• Go wine tasting together
• Check out your local Farmer’s markets and enjoy together
• Take a walk in the bush, go cycling or similar outdoors activity
• Take a scenic drive
• Check out any free events in your area such as music, poetry readings or similar 

The fact that you have been creative, thought of some options, planned ahead and organised a date and maybe even made it a surprise can be very endearing.  You cared enough and were resourceful enough to make it happen.

What if she earns more than you?

So your date is earning more than you?  Maybe that’s just temporary while you are finding a job or maybe she always will.  Most guys kind of like the idea of a woman who has great earning potential but many do struggle with the idea of losing that role of being the main breadwinner and impressing a woman with status, money, power, whatever it might be.  Whether it’s temporary or permanent you both have to get your head around this one otherwise it will eat you up.  Work on your self esteem, do the best you can to get a job or do the best you can to do well in your job and also look at what you can do to even out the exchange.  It might be that you help her with tasks around the house or that your stunning personality is enough to win her over!  Above all, be open and honest and if you can, declare that you would like to be offering more on the financial side than you currently are.  The mere fact that you acknowledge the difference can assist greatly. 

Can you be too extravagant?

Okay so you are sitting pretty and money isn’t a problem for you at the moment and you do want to impress her still, what to do?  If you’ve lavished her with extravagance in the past and it has worked for you, you might continue to do so.   However, you do have to be careful, especially early on in dating.  The one thing you want to avoid is looking too desperate.   Throwing around your money can make you look like this is all you have to offer.   Also be aware that she may feel uncomfortable, feel that she isn’t at your level, inadequate and feel she is unable to reciprocate.  Tread carefully and with respect.

We are all aware of the belt-tightening around us.  Being open and honest, thoughtful, creative, resourceful and optimistic will do much to impress her even in these trying times.

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, is an expert in helping professional men and women find, attract and be successful in relationships.  Click for more dating advice information on how to get partnered

 

 

Dating for different age groups

Dating can be a challenge at any age group, but the issues vary according to which group you would pool yourself in.  For the purpose of this article let’s say there are three groups.  The first is if you are in the late teens to mid twenties; the second is if you are late twenties to mid forties and the last if you are around fifty and upwards.

The challenges in the first group involve that whole balance of keeping yourself safe vs. getting experience, learning and gaining confidence with the whole process of dating, approaching others, flirting, conversations and relationships.  It can be such a fun time but also once of angst and fear for you.

The second group is you if you ideally want to find someone special and often want to get married and have children.  With your friends and family partnered off, it is often harder to socialise and be in amongst single people so that you can pair off.  Often you can start thinking there is nobody decent left and feel like time is running out.  If you’ve been busy with a career up until now, it can be difficult finding the time and inclination to find someone special.

The third group of you may find yourself having to face dating again after a loss, separation or divorce.  Not only do you have to get over a loss but work out where you go to find a suitable partner, work out what you really want now but also how to best market and launch yourself onto the dating scene again.

So what can you do to help yourself, despite the different age groups that you are in?  Firstly work out what stage you are at and be okay about it.  Are you seeking more casual affairs or a long term relationship?  If you have just come out of a break up, it may be absolutely fine for you to not want anything long term for quite some time.  Secondly, get some help to work out any stumbling blocks you may have.  If you’re not having the success you want, what’s preventing you from doing so?  You usually have something to do with this and friends and family or ex-partners do not always tell you what this is.  Thirdly, get better at highlighting and marketing your best features and attributes.  Work out what they are and don’t be afraid to tell others!  Fourthly, work out what kind of person is going to be right for you and where that person is most likely to be.  Then get out there!  Last but not least, put on a positive attitude with an openness and readiness to dating and relationships.

Denise Corlett is the founder of datingadvice.co.nz and helps professional men and women find, attract and be in successful relationships.  For more personalised assistance go to www.datingadvice.co.nz

 

Dating as a single parent

If you are a single parent and approaching dating again no doubt your big questions are to do with your budget; introducing your children; balancing time with your children vs. time with your new date and undoubtedly where to go to meet someone if you’re single.

The critical questions that might come up for you with regard to your budget could include do you have enough money for a babysitter; can you afford the venue where you are going to; can you afford the subscription to the dating agency and events.  When you consider introducing your children you might be thinking when is the right time to introduce them; what will my date think of my kids; will they get on and what if we become attached and we break up.  With children it is always a question of time commitment to the children, versus time for yourself, work and of any time you put into a new date or partner.

What are some of the options in regards to some of these questions?  If you are on a limited budget consider getting help for babysitting.  Don’t be too proud to ask friends, family, neighbours and networks to look after your children.  Even offer to swap a service with someone – be that a neighbour caring for your children for a few hours while you do their groceries.  Find a student in your area or even plan to meet up with your date during the day for a coffee or lunch while your children are in care or at school.

People have different ideas on when to introduce children to dates.  I would recommend you get to know your date as best as you can before you take this step, but also gauge your dates’ interest in meeting with your children as well.  Once you do all meet up a great way to see how everyone gets along and often an easier way for everyone is to get involved in some kind of activity.  Take a ball to the park and kick it round; go bowling together.  Anything that is a bit physical, fun and able to be done by everyone involved.  If you are worried about children getting attached, then realize that in any relationship this can happen and it is a risk, but choose as wisely as you can.  Try and be open with your children at each step.

If you want to date and have a relationship, you have to make it a priority, otherwise it just won’t happen.  Let your children know they are still special and important when you go dating again.  Keep doing special things with them.   However, put yourself as a priority too and feel okay about going out and having fun dating again.

Lastly, where do you go to meet single available people if you yourself are a single parent?  Anywhere!  The list is extensive.  From dating agencies and their events to meeting other single parents via your child’s preschools, schools, sporting and other activities.  You can meet others via your interests and involvements, via your community and via the internet, via introduction agencies and hopping on a bus or walking the dog.  The opportunities and limitations are only in your head!

Denise Corlett is the founder of datingadvice.co.nz and helps single professional men and women find, attract and be in successful relationships.

For more personalised help go to www.datingadvice.co.nz

If you want to view a video from live television about Dating for different age groups, available for the next 24 hours, then click on this link.

As seen on pr.com http://www.pr.com/press-release/111113

Dating Advice Launches LaunchDAte™ in New Zealand to Promote Single, Available, Insightful and Well-Adjusted Men and Women Who Are Looking for Someone Special

Auckland, New Zealand, October 16, 2008 –(PR.com)– Dating Advice is now offering a new service called LaunchDAte™, a new dating concept of being marketed anonymously onto the dating scene, in New Zealand.

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, the first and foremost dating advice service in New Zealand, launches LaunchDAte™, a new dating concept of being marketed anonymously onto the dating scene, on Monday, 20 October 2008. This service is available all over New Zealand and offers lots of benefits that those using internet dating or dating agencies have enjoyed while taking away some of the frustrations and difficulties too.

“In many respects, this is just an extension of the services currently being offered by Dating Advice” says Denise. “I’m helping people to be the best they can and in the process increase their chances of coming across somebody right and special for them. Some of that is marketing yourself better. ”

Many people hate the idea of putting themselves on the internet, particularly if they don’t know what to write, don’t want to show their photo so all and sundry can see it or because they are wary of attracting and dealing with people that are dubious. With LaunchDAte™, a profile is written for each advertiser, highlighting the essence of each person and what they are looking for. There is a photo of the advertiser, but this only gets sent out once the advertiser has approved they want it sent to an interested party. The vetting service provides a nice intermediary between advertiser and interested party, so all those tricky questions and important information can be revealed (according to the privacy settings of the advertiser) before any connection occurs between both parties. And it doesn’t have to go any further. If one party chooses to not proceed, it’s face saving.

This service has some benefits of internet dating. The ability to go and browse the profiles of the advertisers is open to anyone with access to the internet. That is huge. In addition, people can view anyone’s profile 24/7 whenever they want. If there is interest in someone’s profile, interested parties just need to contact Dating Advice for further information. That means interested parties can gain a bit more information, according to the advertiser’s privacy settings, but also have a chance to share more information about themselves and what they are looking for.

While Denise is quick to deny that she is not a matchmaker, she points out that people can do their own choosing of who is of interest to them. But they get some of the advantages of a matchmaking service. She acts as an intermediary and knows her advertisers well, having consulted with them knowing their strengths and weaknesses, their readiness for a relationship, what’s important to them and a relationship and much more. She believes her advertisers are well-adjusted, insightful men and women who are all looking for that someone special in their lives. For that reason she is more than happy to market and promote them for the great women and men that that they are.

Dating Advice has an introductory offer which closes on 17 October 2008. More information can be found at www.datingadvice.co.nz/LaunchDAte.htm

For more information, please contact:
Denise Corlett
Dating Advice
Phone: + 64 9 5217449
Mobile: + 64 21 2626720
Email: info@datingadvice.co.nz
Web: www.datingadvice.co.nz
P.O. Box 87050, Meadowbank, Auckland 1742, New Zealand

###

LaunchDAte

What you say! It’s a new dating concept between online dating and an introduction agency…with someone else marketing you. If you:-

 

 • Hate the idea of marketing yourself on the internet – not knowing what to write, attracting the wrong types or not wanting to put your photo out there so all and sundry can see you

 • Want to view a range of insightful and available single men and women from all over New Zealand who are keen to find and be with that special someone in their lives

 • Want to be marketed 24/7 whilst remaining anonymous

 • Know that your privacy is paramount, discretion is the key and that you control what information is made available to interested parties

 

Dating Advice has had the pleasure of meeting with and working with some great guys and girls from all over New Zealand. Many of you have asked for my help in finding someone special. I have enjoyed giving you guidance to come into contact with someone special and have promoted a multifaceted approach – be that with dating agencies, events, internet dating, joining clubs, increasing interests, seeking help from friends and family, approaching people who you come into contact with etc. However, dating advice now has a new service to compliment all these other avenues of meeting someone special. It is called LaunchDAte. If you are interested in either LaunchDAte marketing you or if you are interested in finding out more about anyone featured in LaunchDAte, then please contact Denise on 09 521 7449 or info@datingadvice.co.nz

 How it works

 For LaunchDAte advertisers you get:-

• Your personal profile written – highlighting the essence of you and what is important to you
• Displayed 24/7 for the time period you allocate
• Vetting of any interested parties by Dating Advice prior to contacting you

To be on LaunchDate you need to:-

• Have at least 2 hours worth of consultations with Dating Advice (face to face in Auckland and telephone outside of Auckland) – Yes I have got to get to know you to best market you!
• Agree to the Terms and Conditions of LaunchDAte
• Photograph – allow Denise to photograph you or alternatively provide a recent photo of you available for interested parties to view – .jpg or .gif format preferred.
• Sign a form that sets out your privacy settings and that the information you have provided is true and does not mislead in any way.

To enquire about someone featured on LaunchDAte you will need to:-

·          Have a telephone consult with Denise Corlett of Dating Advice.  The more information you provide to Dating Advice (including a photo), the more we can share with an advertiser on LaunchDAte about you.  You have the option of a consultation with Dating Advice as well.

 Check out more information on www.datingadvice.co.nz

 

If you are interested in Dating someone at work; Whether he or she is ready for commitment or Signs that your first date could lead to a second date then check out the latest Dating Tips at www.datingadvice.co.nz

In addition, Dating Advice has just enabled customers to access some of their services by use of PayPal.  Check out some of these today.

I had a great question the other day regarding the best way to proceed to dating a girl.  so I thought I would share this information with you.

“There is one thing that seems to puzzle me.
 
Some people keep telling me that I should be a woman’s friend, or even their girl friends’ friend first before taking to the next level or going into a relationship. So I have to take it slowly.
 
There are some other people, including some date websites and my female friends that say I have to show some interest in her, and keen to do something together and get to know her better, and then ask her out.
 
The two approaches seem contradictory and puzzle me. The second one has always been my approach to women. In the case of X, I have been giving her signals and signs that I have a keen interest in her, but never told her that I liked her. She is a pretty smart girl, so I would imagine that she has picked up on my signs and signals.
 
Would you please give some thoughts and explanation on this?”

Firstly the following response is generic as opposed to being personalised as I haven’t viewed your communication style with women.
I would tend to agree with your convictions that the second approach is the best option although I can see some merit in the first option as well as some risks.
Let me explain.
The first option might be typical of a group of men and women in their late teens and twenties.  Often groups do “hang out” together and from this pairings off can occur.  This is often seen as a safe way of meeting and hooking up with someone from a familiar group.  In addition, it allows confidence to grow from either party as more “interest signals” are interpreted as “he’s interested in me or she’s interested in me” and then reciprocated paving the way for either party to more directly state their interest with less chance of being rejected.  As confidence grows in both men and women, with advancing age and experience, there can be a tendency to expose yourself to the risk of being rejected without the world falling apart.  Hence the second approach becomes easier.
The first option runs into danger when becoming a friend takes you off the radar of potentially becoming a romantic partner.
The second option, the one you favour, can make the whole process a lot clearer for both parties.  As your female friends have indicated, it is important to show your interest in her and indicate your interest to do something with her/get to know her better.  Once she has reciprocated her interest in you as well, then it is good to proceed to asking her out.  Your actions and interest in her over a period of time indicate that you “like her”.  You don’t have to specifically state that you “like her”.  As you get to know her better over time you will want to indicate what you like or enjoy about her.

Getting a bunch of good friends together is always a fantastic opportunity to eat great food, drink good wine and of course have great conversations…which inevitably end up covering topics such as relationships.  One topic is a relatively common one and of course one we covered in a lively discussion. 

“Letting your partner know what you need”

This is a big subject and there are so many off shoots to this.  However, if we just ask ourselves the simple question “How do I like to be appreciated” or “How do I like some special in my life to show they care or that they love me”.  As you begin answering this question you may notice some trends starting to emerge.  It might be that you like those emotions to be expressed verbally to you, or physically in a hug or with kisses, or through something like a gift – flowers, chocolates, card etc, or with a great meal.  It might be a mixture of all these or each occasion might warrant a different gesture.  Regardless, it is important to clarify which is your special way you like to be appreciated.

Why is this important?

You will surely know when you don’t feel appreciated, loved or cared for if given a scenario the gesture you thought you would receive is not forthcoming.  Usually you will then feel fed up, annoyed, hurt or upset in some way.  What you expected to receive, has not occured.  The more this happens, the more likely you are to feel more upset, annoyed and so on.

So what to do?

Let your special someone know that you like to be appreciated, loved, cared for in this specific way when this occurs.  Ask your partner what he needs in various scenarios so you can then understand this and respond accordingly.  If you both are able to reciprocate and try and meet each others needs in this way you are less likely to feel negatively towards one another.

But aren’t you criticising your partner?

I don’t think so.  Having a calm conversation about each others needs and how to meet them in a non critical way can be beneficial to both.  If you can honestly say to your partner what you need in a specific scenario, and you are aware of their needs and both of you are happy to try helping each other get their needs met, then this can be avoided.

Why don’t you just not help and not repeat the act you did that left you feeling upset?

Well you could.  However, what will this achieve long term?  Avoidance of a situation will not improve the situation in any way.  It might go away temporarily, but will rear its head again in a similar scenario, leaving an increase in negative emotions.

How do you say something?

This can vary from you mentioning the situation that upset you, clearly owning it and stating something like “I feel hurt and unappreciated when x happens”  “I recognise that people saying x to me in y scenarios is one of my needs”.  “The other day when y happened I started to feel hurt when I didn’t get x response”  “I know I would feel a lot better and would feel appreciated if you could express x in these sorts of scenarios”.

This can then lead on to discussing the partners needs in similar scenarios or different scenarios, so that both feel like they have got the other person’s interests at heart and that that need can be met as much as possible. 

It will take time to get right though…practise makes perfect…and start off with only one need and slowly build from there.

For more help on letting your partner know what you need visit www.datingadvice.co.nz