Is your personality your biggest attraction factor?

In2town Lifestyle Magazine asked one hundred ladies between 25 and 35 years, what they were looking for in a guy when they considered dating them or going into a relationship with them.  One hundred is not a big number I know and there is a 10 year range only.  Nevertheless there’s merit in this survey.  When I speak to women, aged anywhere between late 20’s and into the 60’s then certain aspects of a man’s personality do rate highly.  So it doesn’t surprise me to see personality valued at 51% of what women said they look for.

But what do they actually mean by personality?  Women said they look for a man with a “strong personality who can make them laugh as well as being able to hold a conversation other than football and cars.  The 51% also said that they like a man with a strong personality who could get on with their friends and who did not feel intimidated by being surrounded by a potential partner’s girlfriends”

If this is the case then how do you rate in the factors mentioned?

Generally I believe that our personality is what it is.  It’s not something that significantly changes over our lifetime.  However, our behaviour, communication, thoughts and beliefs can.  Therefore if you believe you’re not someone who tends to make women laugh, converse about a range of topics and feel okay amongst your date’s girlfriends, then maybe it’s worthwhile looking at upping your attraction by becoming more comfortable in those areas.

What’s your sense of humour like?

Humour or making women laugh is something that works best when you’re relaxed and feeling confident.  You don’t have to be the best comedian but certainly by understanding women and women’s issues it can help in terms of an angle.  Subjects to make women laugh can focus on work or relationships, about funny things to do with you and about everyday life events.  Really though, more than anything, you should be you and let your own sense of humour emerge.  Play with it; see what works well and what doesn’t.

Can you converse about a range of topics?

If you’re finding your range is limited, start with subjects that interest you first and expand on these.  Think about the kind of woman you’re interested in and about what her daily life is about.  Brainstorm here and really drill down as to what she’s into.  Then from this information, research and find out more.  Magazines, the internet, friends/family, books, the library and so many more mediums can be used to find out subjects of conversation for the kind of woman you’re interested in.

Can you get on with her friends?

This can be a biggie…she’s known her friends from well before you cam e on the scene.  She trusts them, shares with them and they will most likely be a strong influence in her life, decisions and the way she feels about you.  Take a genuine interest in them, find out about their lives, and be present with them and pleasant to them.  You’ll gain brownie points, big brownie points if you find favour with her friends.

Ladies…what about you?

Ladies, although this is an article focusing on men, some of the rules can apply.  Your personality can be your biggest asset.  Sure, looks/how you present can draw men in, but to keep them conversing with you, interested in you, then your personality is going to make a significant difference.

What do you think?

Do you think personality is the biggest attraction factor?  If so, what aspects do you find attractive or not in others?  If not, what do you look for in a man or woman?
If you’d like to download my new free e-Book “Discover the secrets to finding and attracting your ideal partner and having the best relationship ever”, click here:

http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/GetPartneredeBooks.htm

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, is an expert in helping professional men and women find, attract and be successful in relationships. For more dating advice information on how to get partnered go to http://www.datingadvice.co.nz.

You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print free of charge, as long as you include my full signature file for ezines, and my website address in hyperlink, mentioned below, for other sites.  Please send a courtesy link or email where you publish to info@datingadvice.co.nz

© Copyright 2009.  All rights reserved.

How to find a date – What can you do when the usual places to meet a date aren’t working anymore?

You’ve reached the end of your tether.  Another disappointing night out! Either you didn’t see/meet anyone of interest OR you did and they just didn’t reciprocate your level of interest.

Frustration, despair and that old feeling of “Is there anyone right for me out there?” comes up.

Is there anything you can do differently when the usual places to meet a date aren’t working anymore?  Do you completely give it up in disgust OR can you remedy this?

Of course you can!

There are so many things you can do to change this situation around.  The easiest and simplest way forward is to adapt the activity you’re involved in so it’s working more in your favour.

Let’s take an example of this.  What if you have for years met prospective partners in bars and pubs? Now as you’ve got older and your friends have paired off, you’re finding that

• You’re not meeting as many singles in the same bars/pubs that you used to
• There are singles there, but at a different age group to you or not interested in you
• You can’t get many or any of your friends along with you

So what do you do?  Bars and pubs could still be a great avenue to meet other singles.  However, it’s about adapting and changing the situation around to your benefit.  This takes some creative thinking and brainstorming to see how it could work to your advantage.  Some quick solutions could include:-

• Checking out if your local pub/bar has specific nights or times of the day when those in your age group (or the age you wish to target) are more likely to attend
• Checking out if they have singles events
• Checking out other pubs/bars in your region that might have singles events or others attending in your age group (age you wish to target)
• Checking out if pubs/bars in your region have a variety of activities that could encourage socialising and potentially meeting other singles – e.g. pub quiz nights, speed dating events
• Attending your local pub/bar less regularly and adding in other activities where you could meet singles
• Organising your friends/family members (single or paired up) to get together at your local bar/pub and for each person to bring along at least one single friend
• Befriending other locals at your pub/bar.  You might be surprised to find that they have another single friend/sister/cousin/colleague etc who could be a good match for you

The list goes on.  The more you think about one single activity that you could adapt, the more you can start to create new ways of coming across someone special for you.  Yes you do have to brainstorm.  You may need to get assistance to do this part of it.  But either way, there can be very positive spin-offs for you.

Add into that the desire and motivation to make those enquiries and changes, put in the effort and take action and you should see some of those usual places that weren’t working for you anymore, work to your advantage.

 

You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print free of charge, as long as you include my full signature file for ezines, and my website address in hyperlink, mentioned below, for other sites. Please send a courtesy link or email where you publish to info@datingadvice.co.nz

 © Copyright 2009. All rights reserved. To download my new free ebook “Discover the secrets to finding and attracting your ideal partner and having the best relationship ever”, click here:

 http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/GetPartneredeBooks.htm

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, is an expert in helping professional men and women find, attract and be successful in relationships. For more dating advice information on how to get partnered go to http://www.datingadvice.co.nz

 

The eyes have it – nothing can be simpler than using proper eye contact to attract and sustain desire

 The most successful and long-standing relationships have chemistry and compatibility.  Having one or the other will not be enough to sustain you both in the long run.  Whether you are at the stage of wanting to find and attract a fabulous partner or either in the early or late stages of a relationship – using your eyes can be key in creating and sustaining desire.

As a man, holding eye contact with a woman in the right way can be very appealing.  Not only does it mean that you enjoy looking at her but also that you are confident in yourself – and this for many women is very appealing.  Locking eyes with a woman from across a crowded room can build excitement and tension.

So what are some keys to using your eyes to your advantage?
The Gaze
Guys – hold the gaze.  Whether you like it or not, it’s your job to hold the gaze just that bit longer than the woman.  She should be the first to break eye contact and either look away or look down.  If she is interested in you, this will increase the tension and desire.  Ladies, don’t outstare the guy if you want to keep him interested.
The smouldering look
Try and aim for that smouldering look of interest and desire – rather than a scary stare.  One way of achieving this is by ensuring your eyes are 75% open.  Yes that’s right – give it a go – feels different doesn’t it.  Check it out in the mirror – are your eyes smouldering?
The head down slightly
Check out the difference between the head and chin up and staring at someone versus the head and chin slightly lower and gazing longingly.  Beware though, don’t put your head and chin down too far as this will give the impression of low self confidence.  Go on…I know you want to try this as well…check yourself out in the mirror with your head down, eyes 75% open and a longing gaze…you’re almost there.
The blinking frequency and speed
Okay, so you have to blink…but keep it to a minimum…and if you do, make sure it’s nice and slow.  Too much blinking or too quick can indicate you’re nervous.  Okay, you might be and that’s okay, but just manage it by purposefully slowing down that eye movement.  Now synchronize all I have mentioned above with the blinking.
Now all you have to do is tell yourself how hot you look and you’re good to go!  Have fun!

You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print free of charge, as long as you include my full signature file for ezines, and my website address in hyperlink, mentioned below, for other sites.

Please send a courtesy link or email where you publish to info@datingadvice.co.nz

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

To download my new free ebook “Discover the secrets to finding and attracting your ideal partner and having the best relationship ever”, click here: http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/GetPartneredeBooks.htm

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, is an expert in helping professional men and women find, attract and be successful in relationships. For more dating advice information on how to get partnered go to http://www.datingadvice.co.nz

Your partner is closer than you think

If you choose to listen by audio instead click here

What if I told you that a fabulous partner was closer than you ever thought?…Much closer…and what if you got really clear about the kind of person you want to be with?…And how do you feel about that person being a lot closer than you think and someone who matches very closely to what you have in your mind of who/what you are looking for? I want you to really think about the feelings that, that would bring up for you. The emotions that you would feel as a result of that person actually, currently being in your life right now…and I want you to accept right here and now that that person is in your life!

Now is a part of you saying…”Yes, well that’s all very well, but it’s just not possible? I haven’t seen any evidence of that so far?”…But if I was to say to you…”Alright, we don’t have the evidence right here at this time, but let’s just say that he or she is here. I want you to focus on the feeling right now that you have as a result of that person being in your life now!”

Now that little exercise should serve as a clear indication of where you’re at or where there are obstacles potentially to you not achieving what you want in terms of finding, attracting or being with a fabulous partner. If any part of you is struggling with that by saying “Yeah…it’s not possible.”; “I’ll never find someone with all these particular traits and aspects about them.”; “It hasn’t happened thus far so it’s not likely to happen in the future.” ; “I really don’t know if I like being with someone all the time” or if in some way you don’t have all the positive emotion associated with being that fabulous partner, then there’s probably more than likely a block. It’s a matter of working out what those blocks are for you and working with them, working around them, or overcoming them or clarifying what you really, really want, that’s going to help you to move forward and achieve what you’re wanting out of life and with a partner. You see, once you get absolutely clear that this is what you want, that you’re ready for a partner, that you’ve overcome any fears or negative emotions associated with finding and being with someone, you are leaps and bounds ahead of where you’re currently at today. Getting aligned with what you truly desire, getting clear on what you intend to do, believing despite contrary evidence to state otherwise that you will in fact find and be with someone fabulous, feeling the positive emotions associated with finding, attracting and being with someone and taking action are going to help you enormously.

Take some time today, to do that exercise and ponder and reflect on these things I have spoken about. Get some alignment and you will see that it’s not such a struggle anymore.

You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print free of charge, as long as you include my full signature file for ezines, and my website address in hyperlink, mentioned below, for other sites.

Please send a courtesy link or email where you publish to info@datingadvice.co.nz

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

To download my new free ebook “Discover the secrets to finding and attracting your ideal partner and having the best relationship ever”, click here: http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/GetPartneredeBooks.htm

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, is an expert in helping professional men and women find, attract and be successful in relationships. For more dating advice information on how to get partnered go to http://www.datingadvice.co.nz

Dating Advice launches two men’s and women’s Teleseminar series with an aim to learn how and where to find an ideal partner; how to attract, approach and get ready for someone special; how to choose suitable partners and avoid wasting time on unsuitable types and practical tools to keep and have a fantastic relationship.

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, launches a Teleseminar series for Women on 7^th September and Teleseminar series for Men on 8^th September all aimed to get professional singles closer to their aim of finding and keeping a fantastic partner.  Both Teleseminar series are preceded by 2 complimentary teleclasses specifically addressing action steps that singles can take immediately to be more attractive and desirable – without resorting to surgery.

“These free preview teleclasses allow single men and women to have a taste of what they can learn in the teleseminar series. However, the teleclasses will be full of great content that singles can immediately apply to get the results they so desire.  I will pack in as much useful information as I possibly can in the time I have and will also be sharing a little known secret that, if applied well, can make you irresistibly attractive. The Teleseminars that follow get to the heart of the issues that singles are struggling with today – and particularly those that want to get married or find a special someone.  Issues such as “Where is a decent guy or a fabulous woman?”, “How do I approach women or draw guys to me?”, “How can I stop picking or wasting time on the wrong types”, and “How can I make my next relationship the best ever?”

As Denise says, many singles find themselves unable to work out the answers to these fundamental questions and where to go to for help.  She will be focusing on providing the practical solutions to these answers in each series as well as getting everyone to take action on what they learn on a weekly basis. Some of the key benefits singles can learn from these teleseminars include reducing the time wasted on dating/relationships with the wrong types, having a larger selection of suitable partners to choose from, reduced expense from looking for partners in the wrong places, increased confidence and hope, the ability to draw in  suitable partners, being able to work out when someone is interested or not, how to approach and respond to single men and women of interest, getting clearer about what you want, knowing who is right or wrong for you, improved communication so conflict is reduced or resolved quicker, how to get your needs met and how to keep you and your partner happy.

The teleseminar concept allows singles to get the best information in a practical and convenient way.  It’s just a matter of picking up the phone and dialling into a number, and listening in live for around an hour. Callers are generally muted, to reduce background noise.  However, interaction is also possible as at specific times, singles can ask questions and have them answered.  The benefits are that more people have access to this information, but also get to remain in the comfort and privacy of their own home for the call.  In addition, if for whatever reason, a person can’t make the call, then a recording is available to listen to later by phone or by download on the computer.

Dating Advice has 2 FREE Preview Teleclasses for men and women on 24^th and 25^th August and places must be reserved as there are a limited number of phone lines available.  Men can reserve their place on http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/MensFreePreviewCall.htm while women can reserve their place on http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/WomensFreePreviewCall.htm

How do you find a date or prospective partner once you hit your fifties, sixties and upwards? It’s that whole struggle of where is there someone decent for me? “There’s no way I want to try internet dating at my age? Who can you trust anyway? It’s just all too hard.” It’s a problem I often hear and finding someone needn’t be such a struggle. Using the resources around you and a dose of creativity and trying some low key approaches can often bring in some great results. There are countless ways to meet someone special for you and I am going to focus on just one in this article – your grandchildren.

 If you live near your grandchildren you are going to have more opportunities to see how this can work.  The key is to get involved in their day to day activities and then create opportunities from there.  Day to day activities could include school/day care, pick-ups and drop offs, parties and sporting activities.  Let me give you an example.  Let’s say your grandchildren attend sporting activities – rugby, soccer, netball.  So they have to go to practise during the week and then a big game on the weekend.  How many other parents, friends, grandparents, family members and so on are attending those activities?  Depending on the activity there can be quite a number.  Also, how many of those attending could be in your age range and possibly single?  If you were to do a headcount of other attendees that don’t appear to be partnered and in your age group you might be pleasantly surprised.  How often is the single grandparent encouraged to attend family and particularly grandchildren’s activities?  What is the likelihood of there being others there like you who would also like to be with someone special?  There is a high likelihood that there is.  It might just be that you haven’t thought about that medium as a way of meeting a date or prospective partner.

So what can you do to take advantage of such situations?

Firstly, make sure you pick a number of your grandchildren’s activities that you can attend.  Then begin attending and going along regularly.  Take a count of any suitable partners for you that may potentially be single.  If there is a potential there, you will need to get closer to them.  The great thing about kids activities are that people are in a fun and relaxed environment and open to chatting.  Approach someone of interest and spark up a conversation.  A good place to start is to make a comment about what is going on around you – and in this example – the game or something related to it.  You will need to keep the conversation going and in the process it may well be that you can work out if someone is in the same boat as you.  If the conversation has gone well and there is a possible interest there, you need to be able to leave the conversation and in a subtle way let them know how much you have enjoyed their company, conversation etc.  There are subtle ways of doing this in your own particular style.  If there other person isn’t available or there isn’t any common ground there, well you’ve just had a friendly conversation with another person.  No loss of face.  No pressure.  This mere act of having a conversation is just the beginning of seeing if there is a spark to take things further. 

With just this one example, you can see the possibilities opening up of crossing prospective partners and getting into low key, friendly conversations without having loss of face or there being pressure.  It is just a start but an important one.  Who knows what can happen next, but you can be instrumental in taking it to the next level, in your own distinctive and comfortable style.

You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print free of charge, as long as you include my full signature file for ezines, and my website address in hyperlink, mentioned below, for other sites.  Please send a courtesy link or email where you publish to info@datingadvice.co.nz

Copyright 2009.  All rights reserved.

 To download my new free ebook “Discover the secrets to finding and attracting your ideal partner and having the best relationship ever”, click here: http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/GetPartneredeBooks.htm

Denise Corlett is an expert at helping professional men and women all over the world find, attract and be in successful relationships. She has been helping individuals and couples for over 20 years and takes great pleasure in seeing them getting the results they desire.

Denise understands first hand the challenges of returning to the dating scene following a marriage breakup and is now very happily married once again.

Here are a few quick techniques to help so that the whole evening is less difficult, more fun and allows you then to concentrate on meeting some great people.

Networking, small talk and approaching people are a combination of confidence and skill.  Someone once said to me that even if you do not feel confident, act that way (fake it till you make it) and slowly you will feel and believe that you in fact are.  So firstly, think about how a confident person comes across (head up, shoulders back, eyes holding contact, smiling and speaking directly to you) and act the same, give the allure of this confidence.  The more you act this way (even if you don’t initially feel it), the more others react to you as if you are confident, and you begin to take on that confident persona more and more.  Even practise this in the mirror before you head off.

Secondly, adjust your mindset and expectations.  Say to yourself “I don’t have to be perfect at this.  I will give it a good try and see how I go.  Okay I might make a few mistakes but that’s okay, with practise I can only get better”.  Honestly if you do have high expectations of yourself you are making it too hard.  Aim to try your best for that one occasion.  Learn from your mistakes for the next time.

Thirdly, breathe.  Take slow deep breaths.  Relax your shoulders and try to take on a relaxed stance.  If you find you are feeling a bit tense, just refocus on your breathing and notice the rise and fall of your chest and feel your breath coming in and going out.

Fourthly have some ideas of what you can say.  Conversations tend to start with an introduction…saying your name and asking them theirs, if they haven’t already offered.  Sometimes this can be followed by a handshake or a nod of the head.  If you are not sure, observe what others are doing around you and follow their lead.  Then, maintaining good eye contact and a smile you can make a comment or ask them a question about the event, surroundings or something that is happening in the present.  Open ended questions and commenting on information they have just shared with you helps the flow of conversation.

Lastly, with this confident acting persona, walk up to others and introduce yourself, ask them how they are in a warm and friendly fashion.  Use non-threatening open ended questions, humour or a range of statements that can draw people into a conversation and go with the flow.

You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print free of charge, as long as you include my full signature file for ezines, and my website address in hyperlink, mentioned below, for other sites.  Please send a courtesy link or email where you publish to info@datingadvice.co.nz

Copyright 2009.  All rights reserved.

 To download my new free ebook “Discover the secrets to finding and attracting your ideal partner and having the best relationship ever”, click here: http://www.datingadvice.co.nz/GetPartneredeBooks.htm

 Denise Corlett is an expert at helping professional men and women all over the world find, attract and be in successful relationships. She has been helping individuals and couples for over 20 years and takes great pleasure in seeing them getting the results they desire.

Denise understands first hand the challenges of returning to the dating scene following a marriage breakup and is now very happily married once again.

How to impress her even in a recession

Is the current economic climate having any effect on dating?  There are conflicting reports stating both cases – the healthy state of the dating industry – be that online dating, matchmakers and the like vs. the opposite – a downturn in some numbers on the paid dating sites and a reduction in some dating activities.  Most people could view dating as a discretionary expense;   however, many people see this as a key area of their life, particularly in a gloomy economic climate where fun and excitement can be found on the dating scene or love and support in a new and ongoing relationship.  Consequently, they are willing to continue spending money on dating and finding someone.

Can you still impress her if you’re between jobs or watching the pennies?
The economic downturn has brought job losses and the predictions are that these will continue to occur over the next year.  There are losses across the board in all levels and in many industries. But, this won’t be forever.  The most important thing you need to do if you are in this situation is to remember this is temporary and address your mindset so it remains positive and optimistic.  I think it is important to be truthful and state clearly where you are at with any date.  An idea is to say that previously you were employed as an x, however now you are out of work but are doing y and z to help you either get employment or improve your chances.  Don’t be afraid to say you need to watch your pennies at the moment whilst you ride this storm.  Believe it or not your clear statements as to where you are at, what your plans are to overcome where you are at and your cost cut measures can be seen as attractive qualities by women.  You are perceived as honest, decisive, a problem solver and someone who has financial management skills.

A few ideas of what and where to go
There are so many things you can do for nothing or next to nothing, some of which are on the resources section of the www.datingadvice.co.nz website, however, some examples include:-

• Plan an inexpensive picnic, with either each of you (or just you) bringing something along and enjoy it in a nice location such as by a beach, river or in the park
• The museum or art gallery in the city or town closest to you
• Go wine tasting together
• Check out your local Farmer’s markets and enjoy together
• Take a walk in the bush, go cycling or similar outdoors activity
• Take a scenic drive
• Check out any free events in your area such as music, poetry readings or similar 

The fact that you have been creative, thought of some options, planned ahead and organised a date and maybe even made it a surprise can be very endearing.  You cared enough and were resourceful enough to make it happen.

What if she earns more than you?

So your date is earning more than you?  Maybe that’s just temporary while you are finding a job or maybe she always will.  Most guys kind of like the idea of a woman who has great earning potential but many do struggle with the idea of losing that role of being the main breadwinner and impressing a woman with status, money, power, whatever it might be.  Whether it’s temporary or permanent you both have to get your head around this one otherwise it will eat you up.  Work on your self esteem, do the best you can to get a job or do the best you can to do well in your job and also look at what you can do to even out the exchange.  It might be that you help her with tasks around the house or that your stunning personality is enough to win her over!  Above all, be open and honest and if you can, declare that you would like to be offering more on the financial side than you currently are.  The mere fact that you acknowledge the difference can assist greatly. 

Can you be too extravagant?

Okay so you are sitting pretty and money isn’t a problem for you at the moment and you do want to impress her still, what to do?  If you’ve lavished her with extravagance in the past and it has worked for you, you might continue to do so.   However, you do have to be careful, especially early on in dating.  The one thing you want to avoid is looking too desperate.   Throwing around your money can make you look like this is all you have to offer.   Also be aware that she may feel uncomfortable, feel that she isn’t at your level, inadequate and feel she is unable to reciprocate.  Tread carefully and with respect.

We are all aware of the belt-tightening around us.  Being open and honest, thoughtful, creative, resourceful and optimistic will do much to impress her even in these trying times.

Denise Corlett, founder of Dating Advice, is an expert in helping professional men and women find, attract and be successful in relationships.  Click for more dating advice information on how to get partnered

 

 

Dating for different age groups

Dating can be a challenge at any age group, but the issues vary according to which group you would pool yourself in.  For the purpose of this article let’s say there are three groups.  The first is if you are in the late teens to mid twenties; the second is if you are late twenties to mid forties and the last if you are around fifty and upwards.

The challenges in the first group involve that whole balance of keeping yourself safe vs. getting experience, learning and gaining confidence with the whole process of dating, approaching others, flirting, conversations and relationships.  It can be such a fun time but also once of angst and fear for you.

The second group is you if you ideally want to find someone special and often want to get married and have children.  With your friends and family partnered off, it is often harder to socialise and be in amongst single people so that you can pair off.  Often you can start thinking there is nobody decent left and feel like time is running out.  If you’ve been busy with a career up until now, it can be difficult finding the time and inclination to find someone special.

The third group of you may find yourself having to face dating again after a loss, separation or divorce.  Not only do you have to get over a loss but work out where you go to find a suitable partner, work out what you really want now but also how to best market and launch yourself onto the dating scene again.

So what can you do to help yourself, despite the different age groups that you are in?  Firstly work out what stage you are at and be okay about it.  Are you seeking more casual affairs or a long term relationship?  If you have just come out of a break up, it may be absolutely fine for you to not want anything long term for quite some time.  Secondly, get some help to work out any stumbling blocks you may have.  If you’re not having the success you want, what’s preventing you from doing so?  You usually have something to do with this and friends and family or ex-partners do not always tell you what this is.  Thirdly, get better at highlighting and marketing your best features and attributes.  Work out what they are and don’t be afraid to tell others!  Fourthly, work out what kind of person is going to be right for you and where that person is most likely to be.  Then get out there!  Last but not least, put on a positive attitude with an openness and readiness to dating and relationships.

Denise Corlett is the founder of datingadvice.co.nz and helps professional men and women find, attract and be in successful relationships.  For more personalised assistance go to www.datingadvice.co.nz

 

Dating as a single parent

If you are a single parent and approaching dating again no doubt your big questions are to do with your budget; introducing your children; balancing time with your children vs. time with your new date and undoubtedly where to go to meet someone if you’re single.

The critical questions that might come up for you with regard to your budget could include do you have enough money for a babysitter; can you afford the venue where you are going to; can you afford the subscription to the dating agency and events.  When you consider introducing your children you might be thinking when is the right time to introduce them; what will my date think of my kids; will they get on and what if we become attached and we break up.  With children it is always a question of time commitment to the children, versus time for yourself, work and of any time you put into a new date or partner.

What are some of the options in regards to some of these questions?  If you are on a limited budget consider getting help for babysitting.  Don’t be too proud to ask friends, family, neighbours and networks to look after your children.  Even offer to swap a service with someone – be that a neighbour caring for your children for a few hours while you do their groceries.  Find a student in your area or even plan to meet up with your date during the day for a coffee or lunch while your children are in care or at school.

People have different ideas on when to introduce children to dates.  I would recommend you get to know your date as best as you can before you take this step, but also gauge your dates’ interest in meeting with your children as well.  Once you do all meet up a great way to see how everyone gets along and often an easier way for everyone is to get involved in some kind of activity.  Take a ball to the park and kick it round; go bowling together.  Anything that is a bit physical, fun and able to be done by everyone involved.  If you are worried about children getting attached, then realize that in any relationship this can happen and it is a risk, but choose as wisely as you can.  Try and be open with your children at each step.

If you want to date and have a relationship, you have to make it a priority, otherwise it just won’t happen.  Let your children know they are still special and important when you go dating again.  Keep doing special things with them.   However, put yourself as a priority too and feel okay about going out and having fun dating again.

Lastly, where do you go to meet single available people if you yourself are a single parent?  Anywhere!  The list is extensive.  From dating agencies and their events to meeting other single parents via your child’s preschools, schools, sporting and other activities.  You can meet others via your interests and involvements, via your community and via the internet, via introduction agencies and hopping on a bus or walking the dog.  The opportunities and limitations are only in your head!

Denise Corlett is the founder of datingadvice.co.nz and helps single professional men and women find, attract and be in successful relationships.

For more personalised help go to www.datingadvice.co.nz